THE ROLL OF THE DICE

Two people come together and create a new individual. The child inherits a certain genetic make-up, consisting of some things which are common to all humans and some that are specific depending upon the genetic make-up of the parents. From the time of conception, there is a combination of purpose and randomness that creates the life of the new individual.

Purpose comes from Nature, whereby the child will use food and oxygen to grow up physically, learn to protect itself, develop socially, acquire a partner, reproduce, take care of the young ones and then grow old and die. That is the only purpose of all human life. It manifests differently in different societies and cultures. Different levels of socio-economic activity and technological advancement of the society define the outer structure of life. The climate and habitat define the physical attributes. But the basic purpose of life is the same: grow up, reproduce, take care of the young ones and die.

Then there is randomness. Trillions of events happening all around the child, every second of its life, define who it becomes and how it will tackle situations in life. All existence is energy moving randomly in the form of what we call the fundamental forces of Nature. In this randomness, sometimes patterns emerge. These patters are viewed as the laws of Physics. From the Big Bang to the present, all life is a combinations of these trillions of events that happen as a result of the random movement of energy. Ancient teachers saw this movement as the play of life (leela, as some called it).

This randomness defines how our day unfolds, what information we absorb and how that information changes us. It defines which individuals procreate us, what names we are given, what education we get, what career we opt for, what kind of partner we want in life, how many kids we want to have, what kind of education we want to give them, what foods we like, what kind of movies we enjoy, what are our goals and ambitions in life, and so on and so forth.

Some of us imagine that all of this is the work of a powerful individual, a higher being, called God or Allah or Brahma or whatever you may. Others feel that it is just fate, just randomness. I feel that it is both. The fundamental forces created Nature and Nature has its rules or patterns or tendencies, such as, man is designed to reproduce and die; stars shine till the energy is depleted and then they disintegrate; plants have a shelf life too and they too reproduce and then die. In all this there is purpose. And then there is randomness. As the various entities in Nature carry out their own purposes, trillions of events occur and create consequences for not only those entities but other entities too. A cycle of trillions of causes and effects comes into being. Purpose and randomness collide. I start my car and drive towards my office, but it skids on the snow outside and hits a truck, killing me on the spot. A man boards an aeroplane to attend a work-related meeting in another city and coincidently meets the woman that he is going to fall in love with and marry. A woman leaves office for her lunch break and goes into a nearby cafe for a bite and meets the man of her dreams and files for a divorce from her current husband. A server at a cafe serves food to a successful director and he ends up casting her as the lead in his next block-buster movie. I buy lottery tickets for ten years without success.

All these are examples of the collision (or coming together) of purpose and randomness. This collision is what I call the roll of the dice. Every day the dice rolls to create and recreate my life.

Every day a human mind absorbs millions of bits of data, out of which it is able to process a few thousand bits of data. All of the data absorbed and the data processed is a result of this roll of the dice.

There is a very wise saying that I have been hearing since I was a child, i.e., “Man proposes, God disposes”.

I would change it slightly to, “Man proposes, the roll of the dice disposes”.

The difference is not much. I am just trying to be more precise. I don’t think that a higher power sitting in the heaven has the time to decide on every proposal of every entity in the universe. Rather, that higher power has created a mechanism whereby purpose and randomness (or Nature and the consequences of its designs) come together to define the NOW that each of us faces every second of our lives.

We pray to our Gods for circumstances that suit us more. When something goes according to our prayers, we are thankful. When it doesn’t, we become sad or question God’s will or we say, “God had other plans”.

Randomness is not a concept that would give great comfort to a majority of people. On the other hand, it can probably create a sense of despair. It is only for the brave of heart to contemplate that almost everything in our lives is subject to other things happening all around us. Nonetheless, if we watch closely, that is exactly what is going on.

So, if the above perspective is correct, if the roll of the dice is forging and controlling our lives, then, what is to be done?

First, don’t take my word for it. Observe your own life and see how your days are unfolding; how every second of your life is unfolding. Just like when two lanes of traffic are merging into one, the drivers have to do whats called a “spider” (one car from one lane, then the next car from the other lane, and then the next car from the first lane and so on), similarly, purpose and randomness do a spider in our lives. Can you see that spider happening in your own life? If yes, then, keep observing and go deeper into it. If not, then, ignore the rest of this post.

Second, observe how the roll of the dice creates circumstances that can lift you up or bring you down. This indicates that, in your mind, there are value-judgements attached to things. These get triggered almost each second. The randomness around you creates a randomness inside you. Someone shows a romantic interest in you or you win a lottery or your favourite football or basketball or soccer team wins, you are euphoric. Someone cuts you off in the traffic or your parents scold you over something or you get an annual bonus way below your expectations, you feel dejected. All of those things are rolls of the dice, perhaps not even your own doing, but they affect you, they manipulate your mind. Every roll of the dice affects you. So, this dice has to be understood. It is too important to be ignored.

Third, every second of your life brings a new roll of the dice. Every second that your life continues as you expected it to is a stroke of luck. What happens to most of us is that we start taking life for granted. We start thinking that life is supposed to progress as we want it to. It is NOT. It is supposed to be a roll of the dice. But life continues to give us so much that we do not consider the possibility that it might suddenly stop giving us all those things. Every breath that we take, every second that our body continues to function, every precious moment that we are able to spend with our loved ones, every cent or dollar that we earn, every sunrise and sunset that we get to see, all these are the fortunate rolls of the dice that happen to us. But we take so many of these things for granted, thinking that we somehow deserve these. There is no ‘deserve’ here. No one deserves any of these things. But we still get them. Life is extremely generous to all of us in so many ways that we cannot even imagine. It can be very soothing and comforting to keep that in mind and stop fidgeting over and complaining about the things that we are not getting right now. Yes, life will never be ‘perfect’ for anyone. There will always be something missing, something to work towards, something to struggle for. And that is because we humans have a propensity to never be satisfied, to always be hungry for more. There is a deep psychological reason for that, which has to do with the development of the ego. The more the ego develops, the more we become separate from the rest of the world and the more we feel an emptiness inside. If we can start walking in the opposite direction and try to understand our oneness with the world, the emptiness will start subsiding and we will start feeling more fulfilled.

In any case, going back to how much life is giving us every second of the day, lets try not to take life for granted, lets be grateful for the life that we have already lived and remember that it can end any moment. Any every second that it doesn’t is a bonus.

There are those who have suffered in this life. They have come across moments of anguish, abuse, insult, physical harm, emotional pain and so on. These moments too were rolls of the dice. If you are one of those who so suffered, like I did too, let me say this, you did not deserve it. Things just happen. Life is never all good or all bad. But sometimes the bad moments are so bad that they eclipse all the good moments. I cannot offer any easy solutions, except that there is place inside each one of us where none of this can hurt and none of this matters. That place is not easy to reach. But it is there. I have experienced it and I can vouch for it. Try to reach that place. That place is home. That is where you came from and that is where you are going to return. I feel your pain right now. I can feel it. But I can also tell you that once you start the journey to that inner sanctuary, you will start feeling better. And when you reach it, you will be beyond the reach of anyone who can hurt you or insult you or abuse you. It is as if there are two versions of you, the one that can be hurt, that can be abused, that can be insulted. And then there is another you who is too big, too powerful, too strong for anyone to hurt. Become that other version. And you will start seeing this world in a whole different light. You will start feeling sorry not for yourself but for all these people who know nothing better than to hurt or abuse or insult. And, actually, someday, you might even start seeing that people who did those bad things to you just had the dice roll differently for them. It made them who they are. And you might start helping them become bigger versions of themselves.

Fourth, if everything is determined by the roll of the dice, then, does that mean that we should stop planning and proposing? No, it just means that when you make and execute your plans, be mindful of the roll of the dice, be mindful of the possible outcomes and do not expect unreasonably. Understand the concept of probability. Incorporate it into your plans. And be ready for all possible outcomes. Be ready for failure. And do not complain about it. Every failure will prepare you for success. It will increase the chances of success. Be ready to accept all possible outcomes. Acceptance is key.

When you start driving to work, be ready for any accidents, be ready for all the cars that are going to overtake you, be ready for the change in weather, be ready for slow-moving traffic, be ready for unanticipated delays and so on. All these are rolls of the dice. This opening up to whatever the roll of the dice brings is the beginning of wisdom and peace in your life. You will discover that driving in the worst of traffic is not as bad as you used to think. It will take the stress out of the picture.

Fifth, acceptance of all possibilities and acceptance of the roll of the dice (which are one and the same thing) will also help in keeping away regrets. Many times regrets arise because we do not like the consequences of something we did in the past. Regrets are not healthy. They make you judge the past. The past cannot be judged. So, when we regret something, we are wasting precious mental energy. What you did in the past was what you thought was the right thing to do in that moment. Then, after whatever amount of time has passed and you have learned new things and become a different person, you start judging your past actions. Those were not the actions of who you are now. They were actions of who you were back then. So, regrets are also illogical. Accepting the roll of the dice includes accepting the consequences of whatever you did in the past.

Sixth, lets imagine that I am going on a highway at 70mph. There are many other vehicles moving all around me at the same speed. Every driver, including me, is assuming that they can keep moving at that same speed for the next few miles. The world seems perfect. Now imagine that because of some road work or a traffic accident, one of the vehicles in front of me suddenly applies a hard brake. The perfect world is no longer perfect. Everyone applies hard brakes. No one is able to stop. There is a loud series of bangs. There are wheels, metal, glass and other stuff flying around. Suddenly, in a few seconds, the highway looks like a junk yard, with smashed or destroyed vehicles lying all over each other, with everyone trying to find the right person to blame.

That is what happens when we assume too much. In traffic and in life, we need caution and room to protect ourselves if things go wrong. We need to be mindful of the potential of accidents and unforeseen events. We need to be mindful of the unexpected and to be mindful of the imperfections of life.

In the traffic scene that I have imagined above, everything that happened, including the perfect movement of traffic as well as all the collisions, all of them were rolls of the dice. The local Police Department, if they find a video clip of the whole scene, might be able to identify one or more drivers as being responsible for all the damage, but in actuality, the only one responsible for all damage is life itself; just like it is responsible for all the good things that happen to us.

Seventh, it is just not in the nature of the roll of the dice to produce the same result every time. And it is not in its nature to humour you. So, no matter how much or how little life has given you in the past and how much you expect of it now, no matter how much you pray to your gods or do pilgrimages or distribute sacrificial meat, no matter how much incense or how many candles you burn at the altar, life is going to operate on its own principles.

The dice is going to roll in its own way, regardless of whether you like the outcomes or not.

And, if your life is like mine, your biggest dreams could come true and you could still end up empty handed. That is man’s fate, unfortunately. He keeps dreaming for and struggling for things most of which do nothing for him ultimately. And, on the other hand, there have been those mad men (Lao Tzu, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammad, Kabir, Rumi, Bulay Shah, etc, etc. to name a few) who have surrendered to nothingness and found true fulfilment. It’s paradoxical, man’s relationship to ‘things’ and ‘no-thingness’.

Eighth, if you’ve been to a casino and stood near or sat at a craps table to play, you will have noticed that the more you are invested in the game, the more the roll of the dice affects you. The less you are invested, the less you are affected. Same in real life. The bigger your ego, the more you are invested in almost all aspects of your life, from sex and love to your financial and professional lives and even things like driving in traffic. The more egoistic you are, the more you expect people to respect you. Respect, status, material growth, these things become critical in life. And the slightest provocation evokes a reaction.

The ego itself is a roll of the dice. Whatever you think, whichever way you perceive the world, all that is a result of the trillions of events you have consciously or unconsciously gone through. You yourself are a result of the roll of the dice. Your parents, your school teachers, your pastor, your girlfriend, your wife, your kids, your friends and family, all wanted or want you to be someone they want. And you yourself want to be a particular sort of a person. All that is purpose. And then there is the randomness of life. Both these combine to create your ego, which is you. And this ego has to deal with the purpose and randomness of the rest of the world.

Every roll of the dice becomes a potential trigger. Someone cutting you off or overtaking you in traffic becomes a trigger. Someone flipping you off becomes a trigger. Failing an exam becomes a trigger. Being rejected by a boy or a girl becomes a trigger. A fictional movie or play or even a so-called reality-TV show becomes a trigger. Not being satisfied by the food delivered to you is a trigger. Your kids being ‘disrespectful’ to you becomes a trigger. The wife or the husband not paying enough attention is a trigger. Every thing happening in the world, from international or local politics to the roll out of COVID-19 vaccines and people in your neighbourhood not picking up their dog’s poop, can be a trigger.

It might be worthwhile, every now and then, to sit quietly, put your goals and ambitions aside, put the phone aside, and just breathe and let the world be. If you can do that, just for a few seconds, you will feel something strange… a calm, quiet, silence, like a cool breeze in a summer evening. Of course, if you are not used to it, you will try to shake it off and pick up your phone again or do something else that you are used to (smoking, drinking, doing weed, etc). But the more you do it, the more you will get used to it. Doing it regularly will make you less invested in things. The less invested you are in things, the less affected you will be by the roll of the dice. Slowly, with time, you will become just like a bystander at a craps or roulette table, with nothing invested, just observing, with the power to choose what to invest yourself in and what not.

The more you are invested in the world, the lesser you will have of yourself. If you are completely invested in it, meaning you are affected by everything happening around you, then you will have lost yourself completely.

Conversely, the lesser you are invested in the world, the more you will have of yourself. If you are not affected by anything happening around you, then, you have completely recovered yourself.

Lastly, the more you recover yourself, the more your mind is available to comprehend the whole. You begin to perceive the oneness in Nature, which is an attribute of The One that created Nature. The path of creation is from The One to Nature to the individual (you and me). The spiritual path retraces the steps, i.e., from you to Nature to The One. That’s why meditation is so crucial. It not only helps you to understand the roll of the dice, but it also helps in taking you back to the source, The One.

And when you perceive The One that lies behind this whole play of life, leela, you become, in Lord Krishna’s words, a lamp sheltered from the wind. It does not flicker when the wind blows and continues to give light all around it. In Jesus’ words, you arrive at the Kingdom of Heaven. In Buddha’s words, you attain nirvana. Then the roll of the dice has no effect on you. You don’t consider yourself ‘lucky’ when the dice rolls in your favour and you don’t consider yourself unlucky when it rolls against you. You are impervious. You don’t judge situations as fortunate or unfortunate. You don’t judge people as good or bad. You don’t go searching for happiness or avoid sadness. You don’t choose between love and hate. You don’t differentiate between people as family and friends vs. strangers.

Whether you understand the roll of the dice or not, the play of life is going to continue creating events and information in every second of your life. If you ignore it, it will continue to grow more and more powerful and will completely consume your life. If you pay attention to it and observe and meditate, its effect will start waning and your days will start becoming mellow and peaceful and uneventful. The dice will still roll, but you will be prepared.